OK I'm back again PART DEAUX

 Ok that's enough, that's not why I'm here.

I'm here to

   HANG OUT WITH SWEATY PEOPLE IN THEIR UNDERWEAR and take photographs of them apparently    

  i know what you're thinking. you're thinking "wow i bet this would make a lot of Soylent Green." i know it because that's what i'm thinking too. 

Soylent Green is made of people, you know.   

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I am going to tell you a story about a spider. This spiders name was Irving, don't ask me why, I know most spiders you see hanging around are female, this one was, but it's name is Irving so I'll just go on.

This is a picture I took of Irving:

wrong picture.  

right picture.  

this is a Phiddipus johnsonii, also called the Bold Jumping Spider.  

  here is Irving on my front window, grooving on the twinkle lights.   

  

That single little spider absolutely took care of the problem my plants were having with fungus gnats. I mean that spider wiped them out.

I found Irving in the back entryway and brought her inside, and dumped her into the middle of my houseplants.  A few days later I found a spider midden loaded with little gnatty carcasses. I even mentioned it here at Steve.  I thought 'Well done, Irving. Go on with your bad fuzzy self" and Irving did.

I would find her marching all over the front room and kitchen, walls and ceiling. When she caught sight of me, she'd stand there for a few moments in astonishment, and then start shaking her spider fists at me. 'You want to go? You want some? Yeah you don't. I'll beat your ass.'  

Other times I'd find her while I was dusting, chilling in the front window, sucking the life forces out of a fly, and she'd brandish that fly at me. 'See this? This could be you. Yeah it could.'  

Mostly she hangs out just around the corner of picture frames, drapes and heat register covers. She builds little filmy webs anywhere there is a slight draft and catches flies and gnats by the hundreds, and just does her rounds of each trap. 

Irving got really fat. Far from body shaming her choices, I wishher all the best. My plants are happy, I am happy, and the flies are nervous.

BEHOLD: PLANT PICTURES THAT SHOW SUPER HAPPY PLANTS THAT ARE GNAT FREE

This spider really does jump, too. It's an ambush predator, and a really efficient one. She'd leap for a fly from straight off the window and catch it mid-flight, and just fall with it and lay there on the windowsill, little spider fangs sunk into its neck. The most fascinating thing to watch.  I mean, I have a life, but I'm also sitting right here in the front window where the spider likes to hang out, right next to my plant tower, and things happen, like spider murder. And I see it.

Anyway that is the story of Irving: Bringer of Death, Terror of Idaho.  Long may she sail.