Popularity

Rancho FirstNations open house daily visitors:

Terribly Clueless Young Starling, who stands on my front doorsill and looks into my house all agog.  Maybe I need to vacuum more.  Maybe I don't want starlings in my house.  TCU starling has no clue and does not care.

Clinically Depressed Black Kitty, who just ambles through, comes up to collect pets and scratchies, and then ambles on out again.  CDBK walks wherever the hell CDBK wants to walk, and sounds like a small elephant clomping around.  This is a solid boned kitty.

Random Hummingbirds Who Live In My Salix Contorta just buzz on through.  They might take a rip through different rooms just to check things out, which is disconcerting when you're sitting on the toilet and they buzz around in the bathroom, but they're transient. Got important things to do. Not lost. Not panicking. Chill out.

Swallows Who Think They Can Build A Nest In My Shed will come blasting in and just Indy 500 around the joint like maniacs.  Don't ask me why.  They're  gonna try to build a nest in my shed and I'm gonna not let that happen because there's nothing like a bird in the face when you're walking into your shed not expecting a bird in the face.

New Pet Teenager just walks on in and says Hi!  This is totally OK.  Today she wanted to tell me that she'd had a panic attack while she was in school, but was ostensibly looking for a chore to do.  What we did was cull spent roses into a bowl that she took home to make into fairy perfume.  I can not tell you how this healed my heart and fed my soul.  She took home about a gallon of rose petals (and a few scented black iris) and it was just magic.  I taught her how to cull a flower and how to pick a blossom. Both of our grandmothers were named 'Rose'.  I had panic attacks in school too.  I sent her home with so many  rose petals that you could smell them on the breeze as she walked away.

Chica the Staffie is full of joy and wants to spread the love.  She dances through the house and the yard, and Neighborhood Crackhead gets a little confused, and I lead her on out by her harness.  She's like a really buffed out two year old kid who never says 'No!' and doesn't try to stick shit in the light sockets.

Giant Freakin' Hummingbird Moths are just what they sound like.  They are seriously nearly identical to real hummingbirds, down to the sound their wings make, but they have these fat, fuzzy, mothy bodies and they come in once the sun has gone behind the hills.  This freaks me right the fuck out.  All you can do is herd them along with a buggerwhapper until they figure out where the open door or window is.

Giant Fucking Hornets are hatching right now.  The queen pupates in the soil over winter, and once the soil warms up and there's been a couple of rains, a huge fucking fat queen hornet the size of a Sigorsky will come buzzing in to inspect your house for nesting sites.  They die.  I blame France.

Bumblebee Queens have just woke up in the dirt, dug their way out of the soil and have no fucking clue whatsoever.  They are huge, fat, furry and confused.  I catch them in a cup with a magazine postcard for a lid and let them go outside.  They are my buddies. They are native pollinators. They will fall asleep inside deep flowers when the sun sets, and in the morning you can tip them out into your hand, and the warmth of your body will wake them up slowly.  They walk around in your palm and then spread their little wings and buzz away.

City of Sumas Employees, usually the utility dude or the police, will just stick their heads in and say 'Hello?' very loudly, as though we aren't sitting here in front of the television like elephant seals. The Utility Dude lets us know that something, like water, electricity or gas, is going  to be turned off.  The police usually just want to take a look around and tell you that they're checking up on 'kids in the neighborhood' which is bullshit, but this is a town on an international border and you have to expect that crap.  They know more about us than our doctors do.

Random Small Children will poke their heads in and say "Hello?"

"Hi there," we'll say.

"Have you seen David?"

"No, sweetheart."

"OK, Hi," they'll say. "We're looking for David. He wasn't supposed to go farther than the light pole but he did and now we have to look for him.  OK Hi."  And then they leave.  I don't know what the repeated 'Hi' thing is about, but it beats "We're here recruiting for the Klan" and we have grandkids, so it's all cool.

I say Mr. Rogers never had it this good.