Birdy Birdy Birdy Birdy Birdy Birdy Birdy Birdy Birdy Lingerie

It is a BIRDYPALOOZA out here at the El Apartmento. This morning I had to whip out the Roger Tory Peterson again to identify all the LBJ's out here - and no, sadly, I do not mean our 36th president. Imagine that, though. Lynden Baines Johnson out here in his suit, picking at crap in the snow. It tickles my fancy, let me tell you. No, I mean Little Brown Jobs, which, sadly, is not a double entendre, but IS the name savvy birdwatchers give to the numerous little brown rascals out picking at crap in the snow. I mean bird-rascals, not crackheads or the chick who used to live upstairs. Keep up. 

 This is some random guy. It's not president Johnson. President Johnson is dead.   

Most birdies are in their winter plumage, and most winter birdies are small and brown and quick, and pick at tiny little crap, which makes them really hard to identify, so you have to use binoculars and have your Roger Tory Peterson nearby because those species identifiers are pretty subtle and those birdies don't hang around. They go doink doink doink doink doink just about constantly.  I don't know what their major malfunction is.  I think these birdies drink a lot of coffee. Like way too much coffee.  

Go to any drive-through coffee joint and you'll see hundreds of birdies out picking at crap in the parking lot, and I suspect it's discarded coffee grounds, or maybe ants*, but I want to believe it's discarded coffee grounds, and that the birdies, over the years, got to liking them real well, and now threaten the barristas with Alfred Hitchcock scenarios until they heave out a basket of spent grounds to satisfy the cravings of the flock. Imagine it. Hundreds of tiny birdies hurling themselves at a lone Peek-A-Brew lingerie hut, the screaming, scantily-clad barristas crouched helplessly before the onslaught, when suddenly a window breaks and the first ominous peeping is heard within.

I WANT MY VENTI ITALIANO BETH     

Have you ever been to a lingerie java hut?  It's like almost like patronizing a strip joint, only you get espresso too, and if you're willing to tip they show you a tit, or a little neck, which is awesome. Not that I have ever visited the one out by Lakeway Fred Meyers.  

Here we have something to wake up to that is much safer than patronizing a lingerie java hut being menaced by tiny birdies:

Toxicsocial - Britney Spears X Slipknot [MASHUP] (youtube.com)

Face it. This is danceable as hell. Go ahead and shake that ass. Or whatever you feel like shaking. In fact, let's ALL get up and dance!  You can wear your old smelly robe if you want! You can even eat a sandwich!

Speaking of djent, now that Ned Beatty's dead, the boys in the holler have time on their hands. Did you remember to worship Les Claypool today? 

Slipknot - Psychosocial (Banjo cover ft. Leo Moracchioli) (youtube.com)

Beats the fuck out of facing hordes of caffeine addicted birds in your crotchless undies now doesn't it. 

__________________________________

*It's ants. 

People accidentally drop their chichi espresso drinks on the pavement and the sugary syrups attract ants. Don't tell me you never noticed this at your local drive-through lingerie hut. I mean if you haven't noticed this by now don't go trying to identify presidents in mid-winter because Roger Tory Peterson will beat you over the head with a shoe. 

** With thanks to JON, from whom I ripped off the mashup idea.