Two Birdy Soups Spill The Fleet

 Where have I been? PROCRASTINATING.

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BIRDS BIRDS BIRDS Oh  my God birds y'all. 

Quick summon up a map of the Western fuckin' United States.

Pic

Now grab your Roger Tory Peterson and flip to 'Birds'. Using the 'Field identification markers' key, turn to 'Birds you don't expect to see in the middle of Winter' and you'll find everything I've been seeing out my back sliders this Winter, and I don't mean the crackheads OR the chick who used to live upstairs from us. No. I mean real birdies with wings and shit.

Today!  Just this past fuckin' day!  I had to drag out my 'Field Guide To Western Birds' four separate times to try and identify the little feathery sapsuckers bouncing around out here in the snow -

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FUCK IT SNOWED

It snowed nine inches between 5:a.m. and 8:30. a.m. this morning.  Then the Northeaster began blowing and now it's all polished like alabaster, sticking to the side of the buildings and way too cold outside. I hate snow. 

The Biker slipped and wrenched something in his back and so he stayed home today and got on my last nerve.  Fortunately, God gave us the Irish, and the Irish gave us Bushmills, and I kept pouring with a heavy hand, and the day didn't end in bloodshed. At one point I was describing how the Bronze Age measurement of 'hides' came about and he actually listened. I am still trippin' on this.

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The Antiquarian

I have discovered a YouTube channel called The Antiquarian, which is a dude who is an Antiquarian, and he tells you shit about Ancient Stuff in Britain (and sometimes Constantinople.)  I am all about this.  

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Holy Shit People Invest In A Lock

Did you know that you can go to these tiny little towns way back lost in Darkest UKzonia and just rock right into a church built in 1 A.D?  and find crazy amazing things like old wooden furniture and carved rood screens and paintings and brasses and HOLY CRAP PEOPLE. Have some pride!  You have a history!  OK FINE maybe you're bored with it by now, but if you don't preserve your material legacy, it makes it all the more possible for your intangible legacy to be erased, and as somebody with no legacy whatsoever, I can safely say to you as a people QUIT BEING SO CASUAL ABOUT THIS STUFF. 

I see tiny fragments of the same kind of stuff on Antiques Roadshow UK that aren't even half as nice, and those things go for one bazillion dollars, and Fiona Campbell says 'What an amazing survival; a striking and poignant window back in time from Northumbria' (or some shit like that.)  Aha, but drive 60k out to East Foreskin, take a left at Least Wappingtits,  and you got a whole different ball game.  

Seriously. Literally. You can go into these places, not a security guard to be seen, no locks, maybe a shitty screen door if that, and whammo, there's a bunch of stuff from 98 A.D. just lying there with bat crap on it, and maybe a week whacker.  WHAT DOES THIS MEAN.  Why is a bazillion dollars worth of amazing stuff just sitting there abandoned, getting shit on by bats?   Dump it all off a logging stage if you don't value it.  It's what we do here. 

Or send it to me.  I will be glad to redecorate in Early Catholic Guilt.