HOLY SHIT PEOPLE WE ARE IN IDAHO AND IT IS
ANOTHER FUCKING PLANET
I am not even kidding. I have never been any place like this. People have been responding to us based on our looks (elderly, white) and have been saying some of the most amazing things...
As for me? Not a single shit, piss, cunt, fuck, cocksucker, motherfucker or tits have I spoken. Not even a damn, a shucks or an 'oh boogers'.
Have you ever seen any of those Mormon Expose' shows, where they have the immense houses on closed compounds, and their own bank and shit? It's here. That shit is real. We have seen some of the most virulent anti-woke propaganda signs, and stickers, and entire houses decorated in American and Trump flags, and HOLY SHIT PEOPLE.
The TV stations here are, how do I describe this. OK. Home Decor, QVC, Religion, Religion, Adventure ( shows featuring cops, bikers, truckers, game wardens, firefighters - sounds like one of Peenee's magazines, doesn't it?) Western, Vintage (literally right now playing Ozzie and Harriet) Fox News, Real Estate TV-all listings that scroll slowly by - and one other one I forgot. I mean yeah we're in a motel right now and cable is all they have, but HOLY SHIT PEOPLE. Oh I remembered - Law Enforcement TV, which is all cops chases, cop arrests, cop beatdowns, cop crashes, fatal crashes, fatal chases, rousting drunks, jacking up poor people and questioning sessions.
HOLY SHIT PEOPLE.
But we have seen two fantastic apartments already!
Both of them are in remodeled historic buildings in the downtown of Fruitland. We'd be right down the street from the brewpub, the tattoo parlor and the funky resale places. I've done the research on both, and they're not too good to be true - we just happen to be able to afford them. Just as we are able to afford all kinds of places here, for at least a thousand dollars less than we're paying now. WITHOUT getting our retirement income taxed!
So golly gee whiz, folks, we gonna be living in the light of Jesus here in Idyhoe.
HELP
I'll be the first to send in the Drag Queen Model Army to your rescue, sweetie! At least you're considering living somewhere called "Fruitland" that has a district called "Gayway Corner", but that really is grasping at straws in the middle of fucking nowhere... Good luck! Jx
ReplyDeleteExactly. And I'll be expecting the Drag Queen Army, buddy. Send them SOON. XXOO
DeleteI don't know much about that area or Mormons... but have seen some "artsy movies" called Mormon Boys being pleasured by their elders. They certainly know their way around a cock Ill say that.
ReplyDeleteWill you have a garden at one of the new places if you get one?
I have seen that movie! And all its sequels. Yet to see the musical. What do you mean "they keep their clothes on"?
DeleteNo, no, Elder Cunningham! That's not how we do it! You're making things up again. Just stick to the approved dialogue. Elders, show him!
Jx
I hope to have a garden - in addition to the one I always carry with me down the front of my pants.
DeleteDamn, sweetpea! I hope you get one of the apartments that y'all like and the god bothers leave y'all alone! xoxo
ReplyDeleteSavannah, the God Botherers are everywhere. It's baked into the culture here. I won't say it's as bad as Utah, but I've never been to Utah either. Not that they're in our face, but it's just part of everyday life here, the way Doug Fir, Pride flags and craft beer are baked into Bellingham culture. the Biker and I are being veeeeeeeery circumspect. That said, it's beautiful here, so very beautiful, and we know we've made the right decision!
DeleteGood luck, Ms Nations!! I hope you get access to some streaming channels soon.
ReplyDeleteSx
Thank you Ms. Scarlet, and thank you for your concern regarding my viewing quality as well!
DeleteWell, damn. Welcome to a low-cost-of-living Red state. Sigh. I know all about it, living my whole life in SC. I'll just say that there are always pockets of liberals in these places and when you find them, you'll have found your people. Enjoy the cheap housing (one of the few perks in a place like this) and get yourself some streaming channels ASAP!
ReplyDelete