Friday, September 17, 2021

God Make It STOP

Wherein I Bitch and Whine

 Well, we didn't pass inspection.  (For those of you tuning in just now, we just had every single bit of our wiring torn out and replaced, from the least outlet to the breaker box and right out to the light pole.)  There are STRANGERS IN MY HOUSE AT RANDOM INTERVALS and they keep SHUTTING OFF MY ELECTRICITY!

Thankfully we are still on warranty, because they company that did our wiring and called it done and billed has been back 4 TIMES since.

Long story short, I went full-on Icy Rage Queen on that action because

This worked.  They got real prompt and obliging.  I mean management, of course.  The electricians were great.

Still, though. Do you remember being a kid at a family gathering, and all the grownups were talking about their property taxes and lawns and their bills and leaking roofs and lot lines, and thinking "Dear Christ just kill me now if this is how I'm going to be when I'm their age" ?  Well, I'm their age now, and here I am, and this is the biggest thing in my life at present, and it really is just that sad and boring.

Here's the way we see it:  A house is a box to keep your shit in. BOXES SHOULD NOT BE COMPLICATED! I've lived in a shed twice in my life, and I liked it just fine. One was an actual metal garden shed, just a place I slept and kept my important papers and stuff locked up. The other was a full-on Tiny House the size of a garden shed, and it rocked. (I also lived in an abandoned house for a couple of months.  I had to shit down the sewer pipe in the bathroom and then 'flush' it with a bucket of water.  Yes I've had a strange life.)

The Biker feels similarly.  He lived for five years in a one-room cabin that he'd built in Alaska. It had room to park his Harley, fresh running crick water, electricity, a toilet, a fantastic view of the mountains and rivers; and the only pests were the grizzly bears that would crap next to his mail box. 

 Of course ours would be a lush, high-living, plumbed and insulated shed.  With solar panels. Like this:

Here it is:  The FirstNations Dream Rancho For Two!  This is not to scale; the plans are around here someplace and I'm just too lazy to look for them. 

We've talked about this ever since we decided to live together.

 At first we put it off because we were 1. raising a kid and establishing credit, and then we put it off because 2. we were busy good-timing it up because the kid moved out, and then we put it off because 3. we wanted to money up and have a plan B in place, and now here we are, 4. twenty-some years in the same place, our separate spaces and our shared spaces established, everything about our relationship working smoothly - with contractors clomping in and out at the beginning of monsoon season. 

 Lesson: Be born into wealth.

Well, the last electrician just walked out saying 'It's finished!' and it better BE FINISHED. It's a good thing all this was on warranty or I'd light this fucker off and watch it burn.  One is exasperated, y'all. 

And I still have to sort out the attic and the insulation! 




Jon said...

"Be born into wealth".



Mistress Maddie said...

Oh I missed you sweet pea applebottom!

And it's fine you went full-on Icy Rage Queen to get results. Did you at least have the same wig and earbobs as RuPaul?

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I guess there'll be another inspection now that the wiring is fourth time finished? I'm sure it'll be fine this time, but just in case: fingers-crossed!
Of course, if you do still find errant pockets of electricity in your bedside cabinet, or next to your toothbrush, you could use it to give your hair that Ru Paul look and REALLY scare the company management.

Steve. Because 'Steve' is almost as nice a name as 'Paul'. said...

Jon: I wish too! As it stands we're not too badly into the hole, when all is finished. Man, this process's annoying as hell!

Steve. Because 'Steve' is almost as nice a name as 'Paul'. said...

Mistress Maddie: I missed you too, darling dimple-butt! As memory serves, I was wearing my 'Bill Nye the Science Guy' t-shirt and a pair of yoga pants, but I sure as shit was channeling Ru, and every single LaBitch that's ever been on that show.

Steve. Because 'Steve' is almost as nice a name as 'Paul'. said...

Inexplicable DeVice: Nope, the inspections are finished. Which is lax as hell, but that's entirely within regulations here, and so far nothing has exploded, so I'm happy to call it good. Our warranty lasts until next September, after all. And there is no way in hell that I'd ever look as fierce as Ru! I'd look like an old broad standing under fabulous hair!

Z said...

My obsession is usually with drains. Electricity is healthy in comparison. Not that I care even about drains at present, darling. Tim has died.