Yes it's 2025 and I am feeling FOXY! Gone are the drab laments of the old year, all gummy and weird and covered in lint. Come are the culinary blandishments of KAY KELLOG and her High Fructose Corn Syrup Chanteuses!*
Except there are no Chanteuses. Instead we get
The Saucy Beef Bake!!!!!!!
Kellog's Cereals were invented by a crazy person who wanted America to stop masturbating. I did not know that this was such a huge problem for our nation at that time but apparently it was. And what better way of achieving that end than...corn cereal! It seems so obvious now, doesn't it?
Now here it is 1971 * whooshing time travel noises* wow we are there. And things are groovy.
Wow lookit the grooviness
In these modern times Kellog has given us a product known as Kellogs Corn Flakes Crumbs, because the average housewife in these modern times was way too busy to do something as time consuming as whacking a bag full of Corn Flakes with a bottle.
However you arrived at the crumb state, you then dumped them into this mixture....
...and made a nice little wreath out of it.
I'm assuming a wreath because I wouldn't eat this shit on a bet. Can you fucking IMAGINE.
Allow me to persist in this fantasy.
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Calm down. You need more breakfast cereal atrocities. Well who doesn't? And I am here to please you ravening thrill cultists. No, I really am. But you will have to wait.
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* see, I'm riffing offa 'Kay Kaisers Kollege of Musical Knowledge' only you don't know what that is, and I belabored that reference into rags.
I knew there had to be a reason I didn't like Kellogg's Corn Flakes.
ReplyDeleteAnd Happy New Years Sugar cakes!
Happiest of New Yearses, bella mio!
DeleteOh My Gosh. You should win every Anti-Culinary award going for delving into the abyss to find this soiled Gem of Vile vulgarity. I am in Awe.
ReplyDeleteI am so thrilled that you are offended *happy sigh* Happy New Year!
DeleteOh no I am not offended I am indeed in awe of of your remarkable research into this neglected area of food history.
DeleteEggs, meat, macaroni and cornflakes? With tomato soup?! Yuk.
ReplyDeleteDid everyone stop masturbating by 1971? I'm asking for a friend... Jx
Re-read that recipe and tell me if a bunch of jackoffs didn't write it. Happy New Year!
DeleteHappy New Year, Sweetie!!
ReplyDeleteHave you seen the film about Mr Kelloggs? Bit of an eye-opener!!
Sxxx
Ew, gods. As if it wasn't already bad enough, the macaroni looks like giant maggots.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Happy New Year, Ms Nations!!
Tiny Tim would be enough to stop me from masturbating for life much more effectively than soggy cereal.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, sugar britches! I skipped reading that recipebecause corn flakes were considered a punishment cereal when I was a kid, as in "No Frosted Flakes for you, kiddo" xoxo
ReplyDelete