I have written a serious one. It lacks the visceral horror of a chicken crawling with staphylococcus, and I figured you'd be happy about that; still, it's not the usual devil may care, mis-punctuated mess you see here.
Suffer.
________________________________________________
Now I'm ready to crawl back out of my ass, stop isolating, and rejoin the world of people made of meat.
The ones you see in cars and stores that you can touch, if you want, but you shouldn't.
Them.
One of the realizations I had while I was rebuilding myself as an old woman was: I'm really peculiar.
Also: When it comes to real people made of meat, I only want fond acquaintances, not bosom friends. Not right now.
Maybe not ever.
____________________________________________
People seem to have a set way they deal with little old ladies. I've discovered that as long as I keep on twinkling, I'm the sweetheart of Sigma Elderly. Doors are held for me, beers are comped, flirting is done (and it's really ridiculous and uncomfortable, cis men, so please stop) and kindly allowances are made.
And I have learned how to negotiate this. As long as I'm not holding up a process or getting in the way; as long as I restrict myself to a very restrained version of 'Feisty Old Lady' I am coddled. I become a mascot. I've been a mascot in every pot shop I've ever patronized, in fact, and it kind of rules, to be honest. They give you free shit.
But that isn't real.
I want friends. People who hang out with you in your neighborhood, that you can make coffee for.
The ones you see in cars and stores that you can touch, if you want, but you shouldn't.
Them.
One of the realizations I had while I was rebuilding myself as an old woman was: I'm really peculiar.
Also: When it comes to real people made of meat, I only want fond acquaintances, not bosom friends. Not right now.
Maybe not ever.
____________________________________________
People seem to have a set way they deal with little old ladies. I've discovered that as long as I keep on twinkling, I'm the sweetheart of Sigma Elderly. Doors are held for me, beers are comped, flirting is done (and it's really ridiculous and uncomfortable, cis men, so please stop) and kindly allowances are made.
And I have learned how to negotiate this. As long as I'm not holding up a process or getting in the way; as long as I restrict myself to a very restrained version of 'Feisty Old Lady' I am coddled. I become a mascot. I've been a mascot in every pot shop I've ever patronized, in fact, and it kind of rules, to be honest. They give you free shit.
But that isn't real.
I want friends. People who hang out with you in your neighborhood, that you can make coffee for.
I'd love to know someone who could offer me good conversation. Someone who can brainstorm a subject, who gets carried away by crazes, who can tell me new things and laugh.
Now me, of course, I'm overfuckingloaded with good conversation. Are you looking for someone who can offer you good conversation? Step right the fuck up. I am interesting as hell! I know lots of shit! I am your ultimate Trivia Night team member!
And that's half my problem, is that I like so many things, and that so many things are so interesting and tremendous and overwhelming to me that I have to fight down the urge to barf it all over my interlocuter, and I fail, and that person panics and leaps through the nearest window to their death.
And who can blame them?
________________________________________________________
Then there are the Senior Moments.
You get comfortable living with yourself. You lay aside all the posturing and signaling you had to learn as an adult person. Now you are an old person. So you relax.
You scratch where it itches.
Not a whole lot phases you, or surprises you, so you come off as stolid. But it's just that you've been there and done that and the lesson is learned. Someone tells me about how flamboyantly their love life has been destroyed, and you go 'Yup..................." because, well, yup.
You get lost deep in contemplation. You fall into a flow state and narrate your adventures aloud as they happen. In one recent senior episode I was contemplating the error of all flesh in a particular location, and I said aloud 'Yeah RIGHT, you cheating goddamn fuck,' and tottered on, leaving a very confused girl in kitty cat glasses in my wake.
It's really like this.
I am the unnerving old lady with resting bitch face that I used to dread when I was young.
I am that old person now.
Shit.
___________________________________________
So tell me, my friends. What's it been like for you? And feel free to write long replies, or make a post about it, because I am intensely interested in your answers.
Some of you are social butterflies. Some of you are recluses. Some of you are out there living it as real as you can day by day. Have you noticed the shift? Have you noticed the way the world grows older but you stay the same?
What do you do to make friends these days?
And for God's sake don't tell me 'Well I don't know, I just go about my day, I've never noticed a thing' because COME THE FUCK ON PEOPLE.
____________________________________________
(OK fine. If there are any young people here, which....damn...but if there are any of you, just hang back. THIS IS YOUR FUTURE CUPCAKE)
Now me, of course, I'm overfuckingloaded with good conversation. Are you looking for someone who can offer you good conversation? Step right the fuck up. I am interesting as hell! I know lots of shit! I am your ultimate Trivia Night team member!
And that's half my problem, is that I like so many things, and that so many things are so interesting and tremendous and overwhelming to me that I have to fight down the urge to barf it all over my interlocuter, and I fail, and that person panics and leaps through the nearest window to their death.
And who can blame them?
________________________________________________________
Then there are the Senior Moments.
You get comfortable living with yourself. You lay aside all the posturing and signaling you had to learn as an adult person. Now you are an old person. So you relax.
You scratch where it itches.
Not a whole lot phases you, or surprises you, so you come off as stolid. But it's just that you've been there and done that and the lesson is learned. Someone tells me about how flamboyantly their love life has been destroyed, and you go 'Yup..................." because, well, yup.
You get lost deep in contemplation. You fall into a flow state and narrate your adventures aloud as they happen. In one recent senior episode I was contemplating the error of all flesh in a particular location, and I said aloud 'Yeah RIGHT, you cheating goddamn fuck,' and tottered on, leaving a very confused girl in kitty cat glasses in my wake.
It's really like this.
I am the unnerving old lady with resting bitch face that I used to dread when I was young.
I am that old person now.
Shit.
___________________________________________
So tell me, my friends. What's it been like for you? And feel free to write long replies, or make a post about it, because I am intensely interested in your answers.
Some of you are social butterflies. Some of you are recluses. Some of you are out there living it as real as you can day by day. Have you noticed the shift? Have you noticed the way the world grows older but you stay the same?
What do you do to make friends these days?
And for God's sake don't tell me 'Well I don't know, I just go about my day, I've never noticed a thing' because COME THE FUCK ON PEOPLE.
____________________________________________
(OK fine. If there are any young people here, which....damn...but if there are any of you, just hang back. THIS IS YOUR FUTURE CUPCAKE)
I feel you, sister. I am perfectly fine being alone and I also take comfort in the idea that as an old man in a gay neighborhood, I am essentially invisible. I don't have to shoot for being hot; clean is the only goal I have to aim for.
ReplyDeleteLiving in Bellingham has had a lot to do with my situation. I feel safe here and I have a community. It also helps that your typical Bellingham woman of my age looks 'soft butch' whether she is or isn't. I blend right in.
DeleteAs an grumpy old lady myself I empathize and if it is remote affection you require I can send that by the cartload and never become over friendly.
ReplyDeleteIt could be worse, you could be an Old Man, which is similar but less fun
I wouldn't mind living down the block from you guys as long as you didn't stay up and play that crazy jungle music you kids like these days. Also we could have cocktails. That's how I picture it...micro-weeding, potting up starts, roaming around in the evenings with a cocktail going....shouting at cars....
DeleteJesus H. Christ, sugar britches! Try this one on for size, 4 adult children only 3 speak to me now, but all that aside, how about having THEM tower over you, look at you with the same face that you used have when talking to "The Olds"???? Yeah, they know everything and you're a Boomer with one foot on a banana peel and the other... And here's the rub, I like my kids and they like me, at least they say they do (except for the one who doesn't). As to making friends, Lordy, like you I have "fond acquaintances" most of whom live on the other side of the country! Here in Lalaland? I just know a lot of people, I'm at the age that most of the close friends I had have already met their maker (it was a wild crowd back in the day). To the invisible old woman, I totally understand that part and it doesn't bother me at all anymore because I truly don't care! I used to be very aware of how I looked when I was out in public, now as long as I'm clean and so are my clothes they can "go together" or look as if I just on what was near, it's all the same to me. The best part is the messy bun look and no lipstick! I could go on a shit-ton longer, but I think you get my point! I am truly at the fuck around and find out part of my life when it comes to other folks! My birthday is almost here and I told the Krewe no party this year, just raise a glass wherever you are and enjoy your evening. (How the fuck did I get this old????) xoxo
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DeleteI feel that whole 'estrangement' thing. Yes I do. And now that the dust has settled I'm realizing that the world hasn't ended and that I might not be the worst human mother in history. Maybe.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I truly believe we are sisters separated at birth (by a few years, to be fair), sweetpea! I know you know what I'm talking about! xoxo
DeleteThis post made me cry, because I feel it so intensely. We are a lot alike in many ways. When I was young, I hated other women who were like me until I figured out that I felt challenged by them because we were so much alike. After talking about it, my friend Candy and I learned to use it as a superpower to springboard off each other to reach higher goals that we might not have tried to reach for if we didn't have the other to help keep the other motivated. My friend Andrea and I learned to lean into our differences to complement each other.
ReplyDeleteAging is a bitch, but I think we've got to make it our bitch and learn to ride our demons in a different way. "They say" with age comes wisdom, but they didn't say what kind of wisdom! Go on Grrl, make it weird! I'm really quite determined now to make it up to B-ham this summer and give you a goddamn hug!
And I will welcome you, my dear. XOO
DeleteHello old friend, its been far too long since I have stopped in. I turned 67 at the end of 2024. I have no startling epiphanies because I noticed all of the above 'symptoms' when I was at the mall in my forties. What in the good lord's name was I at the mall for? I don't know it was 20 years ago but I did notice that all the staff and survey takers were pandering to the youth. What??? I have wisdom, isn't worth anything? Nope, fool. And this continued through the years until last year. It stopped, no. No I was working in medical office with young people. Who I thought that I got along with, kept my head down, did my job. Well ladies and gents, that was not enough. I was literally hounded into a nervous breakdown where it sent me spiraling into temporary dementia, with all the stuff that comes with that shit. I went on 'work' disability was put on a 4 month sabbatical under a physician's care. I had so many tests done and lots of therapy appointments. I found a lovely psychiatrist who prescribed the right sort of meds. After a fashion I was deemed able to return work under the condition that I did not return to my department. But?? We had a company meeting we were told that our medical clinics, surgery center and all that were to be closed at the end of March 2024. sucks, it did. For all the employees and our patients. I retired on July 2024, I was still applying for jobs. Shoot! What was the question dear Mariann....ahh residual forgetfulness, where I keeping toggling along. Making messes. But I came to the conclusion that I will enjoy my time as part of the geriatric group. Always being asked if I am a fall risk. I have gathered up 4 lovely ladies who live on my street. It is amazing they had always been there. Do you remember me yet. This is Gale. It has been a very long time since I posted on my blog: https://wordpress.com/post/galecolton.wordpress.com/20017
ReplyDeleteI think I'm the leader in this group of old farts. The clock wont strike til October, but if the memory hasn't shrivelled I might blog about it then. Right now we've started sifting through our accumulated rubbish so we don't cause a mid-Tasman disaster when we go home.
ReplyDelete