Unpleasantly unpleasant

 

Well, I went ahead and did it.  I had been promising myself I'd do it for decades. What I did was leave a painfully true 'In Memoriam' on my fathers' obituary page.

I feel small and mean spirited at the same time that I feel decades of women and girls inside me cheering wildly.

I won't post a link to it here because who needs that shit.  I've done enough posting for one evening anyway. I wouldn't even have done it except that I read the other 'memoriam' post and it was, just, a complete work of fantasy.  Some random niece  looked at what a lifetime of dissimulation and familial denial wrought and wrote a spun sugar account of my parents marriage and my late fathers' character - and it lit me OFF. Just thinking how this kid had bought the whole, alcoholic family LIE.  Thinking about all the shabby, shitty treatment I've endured over the years from this revolting group of people - like I said, it lit me off.  

My feeling is, OK. That side, they had their say.  Now I've had my say.  And only six people have visited the site since he passed away so what the fuck does it matter in the long run.

Honestly, I have been having a wonderful life these days. I never think of this shit, or if I do, it's without bitterness. It happened a long time ago and I spent a lot of time in therapy getting straightened out, and it worked. 

But damn.  Just DAMN.