The Biker is a surprisingly sentimental guy, particularly when you consider how he was brought up (near the Arctic Circle, ran traplines, shot moose, climbed mountains, rode along with the 81. You know, Alaskan shit.)
An average American man living an unassuming life
Another thing that always surprises me is how RIGHT he gets it. I am not somebody anyone wants to try and buy for, but the Biker always nails it.
Remember this? He bought me this. "It looked like something you'd like," is what he said. I love this thing. I've had it since 1989!
This fantastic still from the movie 'The Day The Earth Stood Still'. Just on a whim. "You've seen the movie forty times," he shrugged. It went right up on my bedroom wall. I love this picture. Klaatu barada nicto!
This UTTERLY ASTOUNDING 3-D printed Spock Buddha! I cried, people!
And then...
...then there's this most recent gift.
"Oh damn she's trippin' now," says a horrified Internet!
"WHAT THE FUCK!" I said, once I'd opened the package.
"You said you didn't like the squirrel," he said.
"Some crackhead is going to see me sneaking around in the shrubs with this thing and kill me," I exclaimed. "What the fuck. This little orange dealie is ridiculous. I could break it off with the side of my thumb. I think that's the point, in fact. This is too real looking. I'm gonna get dead."
No talk of not using it, of course, because I really hate that squirrel. Not enough to kill it, but definitely enough to try and hit it with a plastic pellet.
"I'm going to spray paint this thing orange," I decided.
"Nobody's going to care," he sighed.
"No, not if it was you, but it's me. Sure as shit, somebody will call the cops on the old lady in the armadillo t-shirt waving around a gun, and there I'll be in an armadillo t-shirt with this thing and I'LL GET HAULED IN MAN."
Meanwhile I am forbidden to spray paint the airsoft gun. Why? Because the person who's used it nonstop since it arrived doesn't want me to 'ruin' it.
So yeah. Four out of five.
I'd be tempted to "pellet-gun" the bastard squirrel, then paint the "spud-gun" orange with some paint or other that will wash off. To hide the evidence.
ReplyDeleteLove the "Spock Buddha" and the "Robot Rock" - well done, The Biker! Jx
OK OMGWTFBBQ. Two minds with but a single thought. I thought EXACTLY that thing. I literally had my paints out ready to do that this afternoon, which is what put the idea of this post in my head!!!!! At some point, dude, we HAVE to meet in person.
DeleteHa! I somehow doubt very much I'm ever likely to be heading to 'Merka anytime soon, let alone the "Wild Northwest". Jx
DeleteNot even to visit the largest independently owned nursery in the Fourth Corner? Ah well. Your loss....xo
DeleteWhen I first saw that gun, I thought "Oh SHIT. Now she's packin'.." Hahaha! Too funny!
ReplyDeleteHey, I'm still appalled! How that thing squeaked in under present gun laws is anybody's guess. But it's cocked and ready at hand should any cute rats decide to dig up my patio plants!
DeleteI love the Spock Buddha too!
ReplyDeleteI thought it was a water pistol. That's how clueless I am.
Sx
P.S I'm actually in the market for a water pistol, hence I guess that's what I was hoping for.
FirstNations here, commenting ON MY OWN BLOG as anonymous because Blogger is up to it's tricks again. So. My advice is, get the water pistol. This airsoft gun has the stopping force of a marshmallow.
DeleteThe "UTTERLY ASTOUNDING 3-D printed Spock Buddha" WITH THE ENTERPRISE LICENSE PLATE BEHIND IT!!!1!!1!!!!!
ReplyDeleteFun fact: I found out about the orange thingy that differentiates toy guns from real ones through Star Trek not long ago. An article about a replica phaser mentioned it because people were all "NOT CANON!"ing about the orange tip.
Anyway, where can I find a The Biker of my own?