Holy crap, folks, I GOT THE SQUIRREL!
This really happened just the way I'm going to tell it.
As it turns out, hate steadies the arm.
I can't hit the broad side of a barn and never could. I mean, don't rob me because I'll wound you in the foot (as long as you're standing within a meter of me) and nobody wants that. But I hit this...
...little bastard three times, tracking him as he scampered along the fence out back. I REALLY DID!!!
The first time I hit him he just looked at me and kept scampering.
The second time I hit him he slowed his scamper and looked at me again.
The third time I hit him he had stopped and was sitting up. He watched me struggle with the slide, watched me take aim, and watched as the pellet floated over, hit him square in the chest, stuck in his fur for a moment and then fell out.
UPDATE Then he scampered away. I'll bet he was pissed.
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I read this:
And it was extremely good! Even extraordinary, given the complexity of some of these recipes. A lot of fan-love went into this, but blessedly, not the kind of basement-dwelling fanaticism that Trekkies were known for back then.
OK FINE then and now.
To continue.
Because this book ranges from $50.00 to $444.00 per vintage paper copy - and let me pause here to say WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?!?!???
... I read it online at The Internet Archives. G'head, hit the link! It should go right to the book. Or maybe not if you're Jon. Jon, I don't know what my links have against you but let's hope for the best.
Anyway. I plan to cook some of these recipes - and I'll post the results!!!
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I just posted a review on a popular book site, and spent the rest of the evening congratulation myself on how awesome it was. And yeah, it was that good. But then I went back over my previous reviews, and....
There's books that you just shouldn't review, like say, The Old Testament.
Which I reviewed.
Honestly what is wrong with me.
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I GOT THE SQUIRREL AGAIN OMG!!!
The squirrel was sitting in my potted oregano preparing to send medium flying all over Hells half acre when I eased the patio door open. The squirrel paused, sat up, and watched me rack the slide. He watched me take careful aim at his little squirrely self. Then he decided that now was not the time to be dipshitting around with my potted plants and ambled away.
I sent a plastic pellet lancing toward his retreating form and hit the grass a milimeter behind his little squirrely heels. Made him jump FO SHO.
Hell yeah.
Ms First Nations 5. Squirrel 0.
ReplyDeleteGo-go-go! Those fur-coated rats need to be taught a lesson!
BTW, the link to the Trekkie cookbook worked fine. Not sure what link I complained didn't work previously, but then again I've drunk since then... Another variant on a theme, but at least some of those recipes seem to be "do-able". Jx
All is well. I've noticed a distinct lack of that kind of thing since I've moved further away from the international border. More squirrels, too. COINCIDENCE??
DeleteI might look closer at the cookbook later...I'm doing a stir-fry tonight. Not squirrel!
ReplyDeleteCheck your kitchen cabinets for possums!
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ReplyDeleteHahahahaha - you reviewed the Old Testament - excellent!
ReplyDeleteAnd well done on the Squirrel pot-shots. I do have a recipe for squirrel somewhere that I have been meaning to post just for you. I'll try and dig it out before the end of the week.
Sx
Oh chile, do send me that recipe. There may come a day. I won't bother to enlarge upon what I mean by that but yeah.
DeleteYou'll show that little rodent. I don't understand people who ooh over squirrels; they're rats with designer tails. Also, YouTube as taught me that British people pronounce "squirrel" with at least two extra syllables.
ReplyDeletePeenee, you are so right. Squirrels have no earthly use. They are just cute rats - and rats are more efficient. I can wham a rat with a snowshovel and not feel the least guilt - don't ask me how I know that about myself - and man....just... ARRRGH squirrels!
DeleteThat squirrel's not a quick learner, is he?
ReplyDeleteI do see a lot less of his little squirrelly ass these days. I'll attribute that to my sharpshooterliness.
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