Lenovo, I hardly knew ye. You were a good little laptop, after I got done getting you set up, and putting a piece of duct tape over the camera and speaker aperatures - and telling Whoretana to shut the fuck UP already bitch I do not need your help. Quit whining! Go away!
Several days ago I plugged in my poor little laptop and a HUGE blue spark shot out of the little plug-in port. I screamed. There was a distinct burning smell. Computer - borked.
What I'm doing right now is using the Bikers' computer. I already bought another laptop. I'll be here at some point in the future.
I didn't even bother calling the repair place because they never fail to load up my hard drive with CRAPWARE in the name of 'cleaning up the CPU' or 're-loading Windows' or 'It's our repair software, we get it from corporate so suck on it' because they are Satanic, housewife - hating nerds. I am done with that repair shit. Fuck that repair shit. I know when I'm being bent over a chair.
I have killed over eleven computers. I have. Me. By myself. How? In the early days it was all about the bugs and viruses and so forth. The last four, I just flat broke. Dropped, spilled beer in, stepped on, opened too far. Computers tremble at my approach, and well they should.
Honestly, I feel like such a doofus. This is what happens when you cheap out. And I bought a cheapo reconditioned laptop last time. This time, I have cash - the sale of the Chevrolet "Bone Of Contention Mach 0" El Camino landed me a tidy sum. (And as surely as the night turns into day, my steam mop died, my spice grinder died, my kitchen fan died, my weed whacker borked, my hedge trimmer borked, the steering gear on my riding lawnmower broke, and now my laptop is deceased. Like rats from a sinking ship. She's got cash? Not for long, bitch! Wahoo! Suicide pact activate! )
I have bought a brand new laptop. No I will not tell you the brand because I don't want to jinx it. It's a good brand. I've only broken one of their computers.
So far.
Fingers crossed.
Blimey. It does sound like there is some sort of conspiracy thingy going on given that all your electricals have broken down together.
ReplyDeleteThat is a lot of upset computers. Mine just sort of get very old and slowly stop functioning. Printers, on the other hand, usually get smashed to pieces because they are the devil's disciples.
Sx
damn!
ReplyDeletespouse is on his second desktop since 1998.
I am on my second laptop since 2005.
mechanical devices hate you, I guess. :(
I am new to laptop land and have only had one a couple of months.
ReplyDeleteI hope it lasts a little while at least ????
We know what happened to my last computer! *sigh* Martini madness and now I'm on a used (and old) MAC from my SIL! I shall refrain from complaining, but accepting of my penance and hopefully, I will have a new machine next year. I commiserate with you, sister! xoxo
ReplyDeleteMs Scarlet: How odd that we're complete opposites - we've had one faithful printer, B/W, that has served us lo these many years. We need to find us a tech mage to undo the evil spell that has been cast, is what I figure. That's the only logical explanation at this point!
ReplyDeleteanne marie in philly: I have gone places on the innerwebbly that decent people should not visit, and I have tinkered with the machineries of computation - oo, what's this unknown command do? and thus I have destroyed some innocent machines too young, too young. Teach me, technoYoda, how to leave well enough alone!? Sensei? Pleeze?
ReplyDeleteBob: My advice to you is to never, ever visit those places in the 'settings' lounge that say 'advanced'. Or ask 'white hat' hackers how to make your computer do anything, because there is no such thing as a white hat hacker. They're all douchebags and will fuck with your head just because they smell ignorance. The voice of experience types!
ReplyDeletesavannah: Martini madness is so much classier than 'beer bork'. You may have taken out an innocent computer, but you did it with hard liquor, girl. I just cracked a cap and the bottle spewed all into the keyboard an' shit, which was sad and lame. Now you have a Mac. You STICK with that Mac, lady. They are the heckin' gods of the online access world. Refrain from spilling quality cocktails into the console - and refrain from letting the effects of quality cocktails dictate your reactions to the information displayed by your computer (I assume you read something about Trump, bashed your laptop 23 times with a bottle of dry vermouth and then hurled it all from your rooftop into the street below, and then pelted the fragments with olives, laughing maniacally) and you will have you a reliable lil' buddy. Luv ya momma.
ReplyDeleteWe seem to chew through the beasts, too. Just 2,or was it three? weeks ago I had to get a new hard drive.It had slowed to the point of being at death's gaping maw.
ReplyDeleteSo, I have a faster whirlygig inside...now all I have to do is learn the new, improved workings of Wordpress and manage a blog post WITHOUT LOSING A PAGE OF TYPE AND PHOTOS!