Quaint Vignettes From My Charming Rural Idyll

 OOOO children my Biker has himself a new 'Nom de Internet'!  He is now and henceforth to be known online as...

The Bejewelled Beast! 

That is supposed to be a badass warrior king all covered in jewels with a sword and shit but the internet is not complying with my wishes, so imagine this dipshit up above here, only more studly, like this dude down below here:

THIS DUDE, WITH A SWORD.

  The reason comes down to ornamental squash varieties.  I'll skip the extraneous explanations.  When a man brings you, unbidden, a bushel of exquisitely malformed squash, he becomes your 

                        Bejewelled Beast. 

We tried 'Precious Star of Aegypt Eld,' but he didn't get it, so I tried 'Priceless Jewel of Magnificence' but he thought I was saying "Jewel of monstrance' which is an entirely different and Catholic cup of tea, so I gave up.  And to think we owe it all to a bunch of lumpy-ass squash.  God is great.

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We have got some political kids in this neighborhood.  We are repping hard for Team Blue-State Dems, with yard signs, bumper stickers and even a rather large banner nailed up high on the actual house, so the rednecks in their jacked up 4x4's can see it. 

 All the new kids in the neighborhood love us (for some ungodbeknownst reason) and every single one of them rode or glided past and gave their views on the subject.  There are some Trumper kids out there, and there are some LibDem children fighting the good fight.  We had us a regular civil, mannerly child debate going out on the sidewalk out front for quite awhile yesterday, about seven kids out their with their bikes, scooters and skateboards, all discussing politics, and not one of them older than 12.  Kinda gives you hope for the future.

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I will not be getting a new computer any time soon because WhaalMorte (The mart that sells walls) borked my order TWICE.  

Now WhaleMark online wants you body, soul and dna.  You have to go through all kinds of horseshit and info and filling out of all your vital statistics just to order something.  You end up with an account whether you want one or not. (Unless you're willing to go through one hell of a lot of screens and info and links and FUCK IT.  I was not; ergo, unwanted account with WohlShart.)  After waiting patiently, I went back like a cringing dog and checked on my order, only to find it cancelled once again.  Really?  Too much for your sad ass to deal with? Funny; Crate and Barrel didn't have that issue.  How strange!

  I deleted that bitch. And I did it super undercover.  Now do I believe that WhoreFark actually deleted my account?  Yeah, the same way that FaseBukk deletes accounts; which is, NO, NEVER.  Neither does KuAHRHA. (sound it out.)  All you have to do is mention the name of that smartypants intellectual question-ass site online three months after 'deleting' it, and it reactivates.  

Do I sound old and paranoid?  Yes.  Yes, I do.  And yes, I am.  If I can keep them guessing, then I will.  I don't smoke dope anymore so I need something to keep me amused.

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Pet Teenager actually made it all the way to Las Vegas and her future.  She is on her way.  We are still in laborious contact (kid insists on texting and my poor dumb phone does not make that an easy task) and she knows that if it all goes to hell, I will be there.  I am stoked, and I am scared at the same time.  But still... imagine getting your drivers license, and then making your first long trip three days later, over unknown roads, from essentially Northern Canada to Nev - fucking - ada!!!  She did that without a hitch!  This kid is going to own us all.  It WILL happen.