Welcome to October: The Mild

        

1. The Light Eater

I loved the cartoon Johnny Quest when I was young.  Of course this was a 'boys' cartoon. As soon as the theme music began playing my parents would begin urging me to go outside and play and "quit watchin' boys stuff, that ain't fa' you." Oh but let me hasten to correct your asses. It was as far as I was concerned.  

So I had to hide my tears of terror when this goddamn thing crawled across the TV screen:

This thing can go die right now. I hate this thing. No. Ack. I'm hiding. Ew.

I mean, go here and watch:   Scariest JONNY QUEST episode? #jonnyquest #animation #invisiblemonster... | TikTok

It must have been the combination of the ominous backing music and the single eyeball, or it's overall ghostly appearance, but that one episode of Johnny Quest gave me nightmares for years. I just now watched that clip play through and be damned if I didn't get the chills again.  NOT BANDIT!  NOOOOOOO!

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2. It's a jawline, Myrtle, not the Berlin Wall

I adore Kelly Osbourne. I do.  But I do not adore her makeup artist.

No no no no no no no.  No no.  Nothing creeps me out like seeing someone whose face and neck are not the same color.   It is HORRIBLE.

Why does this bother me so?

Remember when I told you that my family were caretakers of a cemetery? Because of that fact, and because my parents were themselves quite old, I've been to a metric shit-ton of funerals in my life, most of them between the ages of 6 - 12. All of them for very elderly people. And....

You fill in the blank.  I'll give you a hint. It's....

  

Now that everyone is famous for fifteen minutes you see this horrible offence on the faces of the living, and if you have a Fahrenheit 451-sized television like we do, it's always a shock. All the pores, all the blemishes, all the bad, bad decisions.  Particularly in 80's TV shows. Go check and see if I'm not right! It's like they hired makeup artists from the days of black and white to save money or something. 

Go here for more atrocities!  Or just to read my favorite title (#25)

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3. The History Chef.  

Mmmmm. Chips and Mayo!

    

History Chef has a very informative show. I've watched it for awhile - on my laptop. 

History Chef works hard for his followers. He has a pleasant voice and good content. And I was happy. Until one day I found him while doing an idle search on my Fahrenheit 451 TV. "Well my goodness! There's his sassy cheffy fanny!" I rejoiced (or words to that effect) and tuned in.

Only to discover that History Chef is a red battlefield of cracked, flaking, oozing eczema.