Any of you Canadians remember the Red Green Show? I live close enough to the border that I'm able to pick up the Canadian stations just fine, and I sure enjoyed that Red Green Show. And it occurred to me that summer here in the rural PNW shares a similarity with the RGS - in the background there is always the sound of someone using a chainsaw, and lots of gunfire. I don't know why this is; it just is. All summer long, people just running the fuck out of chainsaws and firing guns. I guess it's easier to find things to saw on, like wood, or whatever you saw on, when it's not covered in snow or under two feet of water like it would be in the winter, so there's that. And firing guns? Generally it's a case of 'why the hell not?' when it comes to recreational gunfire. And yes, I'm talking to you too, Canada. You Canadians up around here are some gun-firing fools. I live five blocks from the border and I can hear you over there firing those guns you claim you don't have. HA.
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I found the best tomato IN THE WORLD! It is the green zebra striped tomato. Yes it's a real thing. Here's a picture:
Don't you dare puss out and not hit that link. It is a beautiful picture of the tomato I mean. This tomato tastes like, well, basically, it is perfect. So there's that.
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OK I'm going to go back to the 'guns in Canada' issue here, only I won't be talking about Canada.
This last few years it's come to light: over the world, everyone everywhere is tit deep in privately-owned guns. Yes. EVEN IN THE UK which, up until about seven years ago, claimed that there wasn't a single goddamn gun in the entire country. Not one. Except for all the little passing mentions you'd hear various pundits pass off like 'the rise in gun crime' and 'the problem of gun crime' and 'people are blowing the shit out of each other with guns,' and then all of a sudden the UK's dirty little secret is out: YOU'VE HAD GUNS LIKE MAD BASTARDS ALL ALONG, JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER COUNTRY ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH, AND YOU'VE BEEN KILLING EACH OTHER WITH JOYOUS ABANDON. USING GUNS.
I've been pretty pissed off about that 'holier than thou' bullshit that the UK has been putting out for years, like 'You see, dahling, we're ahhhll civilized and extraordinarily well-educated people, and we certainly do not go about doing such untoward things because we are just that superior to you Yanks.' Yeah, bite me. It was bullshit then and it's bullshit now and it always has been bullshit. Just because your country doesn't choose to report certain stories doesn't mean that those crimes aren't being crimed. Ah. But then you get a couple of shit Prime Ministers and your economy goes to hell, the BBC gets underfunded, and THEN the secret comes oozing out: your shit is and always has been entirely and comprehensively bricked up ten deep with privately owned firearms, and you're ready to blow the first chav that comes at you into little lower-clahhhss bits if they look like they're going to use their National Health benefits.
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Another thing about the UK: you literally cannot stick a shovel into the ground without hitting something of archaeological significance. Your island is slowly becoming stopped in time, era by era, chunk by chunk, by the National Trust. Right next to the Roman Wall is a Celtic Burial, near the Ruined Castle on the grounds of the Immense, Huge, Ridiculously Large Country Home on 500 acres, where the lawns have to be cut by people in period costume and I don't know what the shit. What the shit? How do you even get a building permit? You found Richard the Third under a parking lot! You even have Historic Sewers! Length of underground sewer that are protected by the National Trust! Now me, I would have drawn the line at the Immense Huge Ridiculously Large Country Home on 500 Acres. I would have sold off some of those acres and turned that IRLCH into apartments, because you go into any of those fuckin' places and the family is only living in four rooms of the joint while the rest of it is rotting away.
Yes. I watch a lot of BBC. And the Antiques Roadshow UK. I would not term myself an Anglophile per se, but back in the day my readership was overwhelmingly Brit, and that carried over into Facebook. I don't know why. I enjoy my UK readers a lot. You express yourselves so well, and there is no better sarcasm on the face of the Earth than 'dry as the Sahara' UK sarcasm. So don't think I'm ripping on you out of dislike. I just see things, and I've had my chops busted, and busted HARD, over the years so many times by Brits because I'm American. No, what I'm doing is, I'm just being...less than gracious now that you find yourselves in the same leaky boat as us.
And I'm getting a HUGE kick out of it, too. HA HA!
Oh dear. To be fair we are more likely to stab each other in the UK, but I agree with you about the historical baggage we drag from decade to decade. The last village I lived in had a Grade II listed telephone box and you did have to dress up as Queen Elizabeth I to use it - I tell you, those ruffs are itchy!
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, I had reason to visit Facebook the other day and I dropped in on your homepage - people are missing you!! Also someone is saying that the only reason you haven't been on FB is because your computer died. Anyhow, just thought I'd let you know.
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Aw! People miss me on Facebook! Well, my computer did die, but then I got a new one, and I did a Facebook post about Brian Johnsons nipples and Facebook booted me off, and I got to thinking - you know, Facebook just stopped being fun. Now it's all 1984 Big Brother, or elderly people bitching about politics. I am so sick of that. Like listening to people banging out one note on a piano, over and over. Another thing I got sick of is the Perpetually Angered, and her cousin, the Chronically Bereaved. That could be people simply using Facebook as a place to dump, and I get that, but the dump isn't where I choose to play. There's rats and inbred dudes with pitchforks at the dump. The ones who weren't pissing me off decided it's too much trouble to visit me here, apparently, and fine. That puts things in perspective. Yes i am in a grumpy mood and it is HOT out. But there you go. You are, of course, welcome any time! XO
ReplyDeleteFor some reason the Facebookers don't visit blogs very often - this has always made me sad. It's like they are going on a great expedition if they journey from FB to Blogger. Maybe they fear getting lost? Two bloggers who manage to do both FB and Blogger are Z and Savvy - kudos to them.
ReplyDeleteI got fed up with FB because of all the memes - sometimes my feed would get a little repetitious, and I'd see five pictures of the same cute cat in a single scroll. I like blogging because everyone adds something new.
I'm very happy you are blogging!
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