You notice how everyone is all gay and trans and cis and queer and dis and blenders and pan and socks and WHAT THE FUCK. Me and Flame Monroe are old school! I can't keep up with all this shit, what is all this shit? What does it mean? And why do My People get skipped over?
MY. BI. PEOPLE. Get skipped over.
Do you think it's easy being a bi person? There are complexities up here. This is complicated. I don't find anyone online talking about bi issues because apparently 'likes pussy AND dick' is enough, next.
It ain't like that! No it's not! First of all you got clothes.
Now most days I cross, but I look like every other sloppy ol' mountain granny, so that's not repping for the team much. My husband and I wear the same size, and the same clothes half the time. Yeah, I married a genetic male type man, the kind with a 'came in the bag all original dick and balls and likes pussy morning noon and night' situation. How this happened I do not know. How it lasted for 32 years I do not know. It just happened, OK? Anyway. I'm trying to be all 'lead by example, show the children how' but how do you do old and bi out here in the cornfields? Every bitch looks like me! We all are wearing barn boots and flannel and t's with the arms cut off. Tattoos? Check. Shit, half of us smoke Blackies. That's a thing out here. I like a cigarillo and a shot of Bushmills in the Autumn, and I set out on my porch sipping and contemplating, and all up and down the road, all the old ladies are doing the same thing!
It is not just 'Well, you get the pussy pass' because I got my original equipment and everyone thinks that all it takes is three Budweisers to turn a straight girl gay. Some days, I am BUTCH. Lee Marvin look like a princess next to my butch. I'm watching all those 'Amateur pole dancer SLAYS routine' videos thinking 'Me carry woman off to cave.' Then that slews off and two days later I'm Audrey Hepburn, sighing over antique lace and Victorian childrens' books, and looking at my husband like 'you LOUT' when he doesn't open the car door for me, and I'm wearing a bra and shit.
The complicated part is the 'slews off' part. That's when you're bi. That's when you're what you are.
It feels like a distinct thing. Just everyday me being friendly to a fault. The lesbians think you don't have the courage of your convictions and the heteros think....nothing. I'd like somebody to think something. We don't even have a parade. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A PARADE. And that's not right or fair, really. It's like half a 'yay'. We exist and we're important and I don't even get a....parade, or a shirt, or a symbol, or a slogan, or taken seriously. The most definitive thing I've ever heard said about bi people was by Dan Savage, who referred to us as 'fashion disasters'.
And that's fair, in my case. I had to ask the lady at Fred Meyers to help me find the womens' shoe department - and there is a whole lot of 'wrong' in that sentence, I know - and then I ended up buying men's shoes, like I always do.
So maybe this is a scavenger hunt. First one who finds a stereotypical 'bi person' wins? Or a bi person stereotype? Either one.
If you ask me sugarplms, everything is over blown, over thought, and blown out of proportions these days. Everybody is so politically correct, walks on eggs shells and it's getting to the point where you can't even look at somebody the wrong way.
ReplyDeleteWhat happen to people just being people.
Well except trump. That should be exiled or met with cheese wire around the neck.
Sadly, a lot of the LGBTQ+'s for get the B in the lgBtq+.
ReplyDeleteI'll admit I used to think 'bi' was just an excuse until you came ALL the way out, but then i realized people are people and can be different, and love and gender identity are fluid and who am i to judge anyone for how they live their lives or who they are.
We're all human beings under it all except for, and I'll quote Dear MM:
"except _____. That should be exiled or met with cheese wire around the neck."
live and let live; to each his/her own.
ReplyDeleteMistress Maddie: As always, you are a wise counsellor. But dammit I WANT A PARADE.
ReplyDeleteBob: Do you know, I used to have a tomato plant named 'Bob.' This is not a lie. Or a joke. I had a tomato plant named Bob (because it needed a name if it was gonna live in the house) that used to live in a plastic bucket in my kitchen because I did not have a yard. Bob was an awesome tomato plant. You're absolutely right too. People forget the 'B' and the 'B' needs recognition. It is A Thing. It's not 'half-queer'. It's 'Welcome, world!'
ReplyDeleteanne marie in philly: That's how I live. That's how we should ALL live.
ReplyDelete