I just did the most inadvertent Karen thing ever.
I bought a dozen jumbo eggs (the most awesome and expensivist and super coolerist of all the egg groups) got out to my car, didn't find the eggs in my bags and went back in with the receipt. The checker said 'Oh! Sorry! Just go on back and get the same thing.' So I did! And hippity hopped back out to my car only to find the eggs still in the shopping basket.
So I trudged back in with the eggs and went to the checker and said "It wasn't your fault, it was mine. I'm so sorry. Here, what do I do with these?'
The manager shows up, smiles and chuckles and says, 'Go ahead and keep them. Once they've been out of the store I can't take them back, they'll just get surplussed."
I look at their smiling faces, and what is the first thing that pops out of my mouth? Not 'Thank you!' Not "Why, how nice of you!" No. I sing "I'm gonna go egg-ing cars now!" and prance out of the store.
It hits me in mid prance. "What kind of a moron am I? Did I really just sing the neener-neener song? Oh my God, do they think I did all that just to get free jumbo eggs?"
I am bummed.
As I'm driving away, I tell myself 'Come on now. My motives were pure, it was a mistake, I'm not the only weirdo they'll see today' but it isn't working, so I decide to cheer myself up by singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Now, I can sing the hell out of Bohemian Rhapsody. It never fails to get my mind out of a bad groove. And I put my heart into it. So I'm driving through farm country just belting out Bohemian Rhapsody with all my soul, and when I get to that high note? That sustained 'Meeeeeeeeeeeee'? I give it my all, full voice, and throw my arm out the window dramatically,
...and see a police car.
And look down at my speedometer and see that I am doing 70 in a 55mph zone in rural Lynden.
I am so fucked.
But fortune smiled on me! I was not stopped! Don't ask me why! All the way home I was imagining how I would have had to explain to the cop why I'd been driving with one hand on the wheel, speeding and for all appearances screaming at the top of my lungs. All I know is that I burned up a lotta weird old lady karma points in less than 20 minutes this afternoon.
The Story Of The Great Paneer Hunt
I am a slave to saag paneer. When I have to have it, I let nothing get in my way. I will drive all the way to Blaine for paneer, although I don't have to usually.
You see, there is a large population of people from India on both sides of the border in this particular area, and dairy is insanely expensive in Canada for some reason, so we have two dairy stores no less that five blocks from my front door. We get lots of folks coming down through the Sumas crossing to load up their cars with the stuff, so I'm usually able to feed my Jones with little effort.
Today was not that day. NOBODY has any paneer.
There are two craft cheesemakers in Whatcom County who make the stuff, never mind the big companies! The stuff is sold in all the big grocery stores! Costco carries paneer! Wal-Mart carries paneer! They even carry paneer in the gas station Quickie Marts! IN THE QUICKIE MARTS FFS! 7-11 CARRIES PANEER!!!
Not today. Today there is no paneer whatsoever in all the land. I made calls. I looked online. I went to the outlets, the quickie marts, the supermarkets, gas stations, dairy stores, you name it. Nothing. Nada.
How does this happen? Cows are not exactly an endangered species. Particularly around my neck of the woods. I HAVE BEEN DENIED PANEER AND I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT AT ALL.
So I'm gonna make my own. Yup. It's come to that.
Pray for me.