Saturday, April 17, 2021

Kum Ba Yah

 I don't know how this keeps happening to me, but I now have a new Pet Teenager, and four little Pet Kids, and all of the want a damn botany  lesson every time I go outside.  I am going to set one little boy up with a potted cactus garden - well, sedums - because they're easy and he thinks they're cool and dinosaury-looking.

Aren't little kids supposed to...I dunno, do graffitti and break into abandoned houses and shit?  Or was that just me?

I'm a reasonably pleasant woman, even to Suspected Chimo/Neighborhood Crackhead; I'll stop and chat with folks, I give dogs face woogies, I say 'Hi' to Clinically Depressed Black Kitty, and it's nice.  But the kids...aren't they supposed to be playing video games and watching porn online?  Why are they outdoors?  Why are they talking to old ladies?  WHY ARE THEY INTERESTED IN THE HISTORY OF THE TULIP?    

I mean it!  I grow speciosas, and they were fascinated when I told them 'those are wild tulips.' 


RAWR.

They wanted to see how a little starry flower that grows wild in the mountains of Turkey went from being a tiny thing to a tall, colorful Darwin - and I'm dork enough that I do in fact have all the selections in-between - and they were interested!  Then they wanted to know the name of every single flower, and I told them.  Still not bored.  Still full of questions.  They wanted to know about the difference between roots and bulbs, and I showed them that!  Still not bored, actually kind of jazzed, running around guessing which plant had a root and which had a bulb.  I was...bemused.  And then they wanted to know why some plants have bulbs and others have roots, and at that point I was just about botany-d out.

New Pet Teenager is coming over tomorrow to help me pull up weeds and do edging.  She's the kid who had her own Gay Pride coming out Birthday Parade a couple of weeks ago.  Kid is 13. Far be it from me to turn down exploitable teenage labor.

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I have a new best friend.  It stands three feet tall and has cute little wheels.  It is AN AIR CONDITIONER and it is in my bedroom and I LOVE IT.  My room stayed a steady 65 degrees all night, I slept like a log, the air was moving; and like Wynonas Big Brown Beaver, I wish I did have a pair.  I am astounded how efficient this thing is.  Five minutes, room is nicely chilled.  And my room faces SSW.  The hottest room in the house.  Not anymore!


You want cool?  I got cool. I got aaaallll the cool, baby.

We ARE getting insulation, by the way.  I keep dropping reminders, The Biker keeps sighing and the message is working its way into his brain: Insulation.  Heat tape.  NE winds that last 14 days and nights at a crack. Age = sucks.  Warmth = good.  Comfort = good.  Old bitchy chilly whiny wife = Not Good. Very persistent, though. 

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Two weeks ago it was snowing in the foothills two miles away.  This week we're going to be hitting 80f.  This is as extreme a seasonal change as I've ever seen.  Being able to go outside in a t-shirt and sandals is like a blessing.  Leaving the windows and doors open and living the indoor-outdoor life just feels so right, like being let out of prison.  This past winter really drove home for me and the Biker as well just how indoor-outdoor 'whole property'  we live. There's always something to do, the garage is open, the sheds are open, various power tools are being used, projects are being constructed...we are cozy homebodies and super house-proud. The barbecue is always at our crib. We invented the staycation. 


"Wow Dad, we can fit two whole puppies on our new grill!  That's keen!"

So of course when the Biker told me that he had a birthday party planned for me with guests that he'd already invited, I had a spaz fit and a panic attack.  It was not beautiful or appropriate. 


AAAAAAAA NOT GUESTS OMG PEOPLE HUMANS SPAZ TRIP FREAK NO GOD NO


God I hate being this way.  Two days later I'm like 'what the fuck was I thinking?  Where the fuck did that come from?  Why did I freak out like that?'  I know these people.  They're our friends.  I feel totally fine about the idea today.  

But that's a sign I'm going in the right direction, anyway.  Two more days of adjusted dosage under my belt is duct-taping my synapes back together in friendly configurations. It's a process.  I wish it were a faster process, but at least I'm seeing positive progress, so there's that.


And TULIPS!!



2 comments:

Jon said...

I love the fact that a whole new generation might actually be interested in something that's in the real world rather than via an iPhone, X-Box, etcetera! Good on you for being their "Monty-Don-substitute" for a while... Jx

anne marie in philly said...

well, an early HAPPY BIRTHDAY greeting to you!