Never fear! This isn't a music post.
Nonetheless.
It is my firm opinion that all bass players should look like they eat nothing but amphetamines and roadkill.
The Gorillaz bassist Murdoc being the poster boy for that look.
Mr. William Wyman, 98 pounds of nose
Jaco Pastorius seriously needing to eat a burger and get out in the sun
Not pictured: Dee Dee Ramone, John Paul Jones in his salad days - although there wasn't a one of those guys in the Zep who weighed more than a buck - and John freakin' have a sandwich Entwhistle.
Now for the Black Widows! Oh you Vamps, how I adore you.
Oh, Louise Brooks, Louise Brooks, Louise Brooks!
Colleen Moore is about to steal your wallet. My my.
Ms. Moore's life wasn't an easy one. During one of the dark times, she knew she had to find something to occupy her mind, and she came up with one of the coolest projects ever - she built a dollhouse, an extravagant dollhouse, perfect in every imaginable detail, and furnished it with precious gems, ancient statues and signed books, all perfectly to scale, every inch exquisite. This is the Grand Hall in Colleen Moore's Fairy Palace:
Every painting on the wall is an original. All that gold? Is real.
Here's a link to a video about it. Really worth seeing: Colleen Moore's Fairy Castle - YouTube
And my personal all-time favorite Vamp?
THEDA. BARA. DAMMIT.
Do not mess with her. She will juke you with that fork.
Theda and her boyfriend the bass player
Look familiar? Yup. Theda Bara, man.
Film was truth 24 times a second in my house, growing up. Sound, color, none of that made a difference. We watched it all. Early on I had it bad for the Vamps. They were dangerous! They were sexy! THEY WORE EYELINER!!
OK we have to have just one more Theda Bara here:
Come ON. This woman will jack you full of venom and you'll love every minute.
Of course not all vampy women were born around the turn of the century. Take for instance Lauren Bacall. Oh daaaaaamn, Lauren Bacall!
Please empty my bank account.
Carolyn Jones, every inch a vamp. And really, what better role model for a nine-year-old?
And here's my controversial entry: Anjelica Huston.
(For the Cliffs Notes version of A.H.'s life, click here: Out of the shadows | Movies | The Guardian)
Some Vamps are born, some are made. Consider her in A Walk With Love And Death. She doesn't look like she's had an innocent day in her life, and she's seventeen. Naturally, dad's the director.* I can't even imagine what her childhood must have been like, let alone it's having left her unscathed. She didn't choose it; still, she's got a stripe of the black a mile wide. And talent.
Now how many of you out there are howling for Cher? You sit down and behave yourselves. I can't ever say I thought of her as being particularly vampy, despite her V.A.M.P. routine. She just doesn't have that je ne sais quoi, that air of Good having given itself wholeheartedly to the service of Evil. I mean come on. Sonny Bono?
That's not evil. That's just icky.
Now go bake a coconut cake and name it after me.
______________________________
Lauren Bacall "You do know how to whistle...?"
ReplyDeleteJust put your lips together and blow.....yeaaaaah.
Delete"They were dangerous! They were sexy! THEY WORE EYELINER!!"
ReplyDeleteAmen.
Brilliant post! Jx
Aw thank you!
DeleteI'm glad Angelica Huston made the list because there was a time when people said I looked like her. The additional irony is that I'd been in a variety of relationships with bass players. In fact, my spouse is a former bass player! He's never been heavy into drugs, but for some of us our creative endeavors are the drug of choice. He's tall and a bag of bones when he's deep into a big project. Bass players have long, strong fingers and the pleasure is all mine. Other people can fight over the lead singer, the bass player is mine if I want them.
ReplyDeleteIt's weird how much you and I have in common! We always joke when we're in an airport in another state that we can spot other Western WA peeps right away. When catching a flight home, we don't even need to look at the board, we see a group of our peeps standing at the gate and we know the plane is heading to Seattle. Hahaha
It's true! And we always end up in the strangest places!
DeleteAck. All my comments are going to your Spam folder. Or Blogger has eaten this one as well?
ReplyDeleteI said that Clara Bow was too sweet to be a vamp, or some such.
Sx
Well this one ended up here, so there. And yeah, Clara Bow, but still....
DeleteIt's amazing how much Louise Brooks reminds me of Isabella Rossellini. I would say you definitely picked out some good Vamps. I'm glad the effects of the "special candy dish" lasted long enough for this post too. I have always loved me some Angelica Huston, one of my favorites.
ReplyDeleteOO hearts and flowers! Your observation about Louise Brooks is spot freakin' on. I compared images and you nailed it. Ditto Anjelica Huston. I've loved that woman since she was 17. She's got witchcraft.
Delete