Muk At The Movies! Tagine Chicken Video, YouTube

 Morrocan Tagine Chicken Video.  Video quality: excellent.  Sound quality: excellent.

I own a clay tagine, and I've used it a few times.  Have a sudden desperate hankerin' for some Tagine Chicken, and wanting to switch it up a bit - usually green olives and preserved lemon - I go a-roaming on YouTube looking for a video with real Moroccans making tagine, figuring I'll get some ideas.  Sounds good!  Giddyap lets go, then!

Cut 1. View: glowing embers of a wood fire.

2. Title "Moroccan Chicken' superimposed over a delicious looking braised chicken thigh, skin browned, dripping juices. YUM.

3. Closeup: chopping a red onion with a dirty piece of sheet metal.  I think. It could be a hoe.

4. Closeup:  close shot of Moroccan chicken bubbling over an open fire, ingredients being tossed artistically a few times.  YUM.

5. Fondling random owl.

6. The word 'Parsley' superimposed over shot of hand picking stems of parsley.

6. Still pickin' parsley.

6. Yup.

7. Fondling random owl.

8. The backs of two filthy, tattered men, one of whom has a sizeable wedgie going. They settle into an outdoor inglenook.  Wedgie Dude sits on a tiny chair.  Like, the seat is four inches off the ground.  The other goes to poke at a large laid-stone oven.  With a broom. Not sweep, just poke.

10. Closeup: lighting fire using handful of burning grass.  Very rustic. Style points +4

11. Panning shot of laid stone oven.  Sleepy the Disney elf is prominently displayed on the mantle, and nearby are cutouts of Sleeping Beauty and maybe Doc, I don't know.  Roasting over the fire is a guitar.  I think.  No, it's an oud.

12. The words "The Kitchen" superimposed over a worn and profoundly greasy wooden slab upon which rests a Bowie knife in a leather sheath.  The oud is still roasting over the fire, rear.  Twigs and general schmutz covers everything.  

Cleanliness is not a high priority in this outdoor inglenook.  Disney, however, is.

13. A mans hand fondling a length of cinnamon bark, which he then proceeds to beat the fuck out of with a rock.  The oud is either finished cooking or has been removed from the fireplace for some other reason.

14. The names of various herbs are superimposed over shots of a mans hand, in dire need of washing, dumping handfuls of those herbs into a mortar and smacking the crap out of them.

15.  Continuous bashing of herbs in  mortar from different angles, during which the man's hands get dirtier and dirtier. Oud still AWOL.

16. A red onion twirls in midair against a background of flames.

17. Onion is cut using very sharp hoe, which is now filthier, as are the mans fingernails.  I want to look away.  I cannot.

18. Very close shot:  Peeling garlic by hand.  Cannot un-see black fingernails. Help me.

19. AW GEEZIZ The man slaps raw chicken onto the sooty slab of wood he's been using as a cutting board.  Cannot unsee black fingernails. Cannot unsee greasy slab of wood. Why God why.  Uses filthy farm implement slice-y object to scrape ingredients into filthy pan ICK ICK ICK ICK

20. Oud still missing.  

21. Man pours spices on chicken.  Turns chicken over. Tight shot to reveal the chunks of crud that chicken has picked up from less than clean cutting board.

22.  The worlds filthiest clay pot is put onto the fire. Just, right on the burning coals.  The worlds filthiest large frying pan is put next to it.  It is half-filled with oil.  Could be petroleum.  Can't tell.

23.  Chicken and all chopped vegetables is put into frying pan, which is cracking away on full boil, and actually begins to look quite delicious.  YUM.  I tell myself that fire purifies.

24. A homeless person twirls the frying pan.  This is me assuming. We never see anyone's face, just the backs of various unbathed persons.

25.  Chicken is cooking.

26. Boy, is that chicken cooking.  It is really cooking. 

27. Chicken:  cooking.

28.  Homeless person twirls pan some more.  Chicken still cooking.  Oud still missing.

29.  Homeless person twirls pan wherein there are no longer any discernable secondary ingredients, only four charred lumps of protein in stuff.  Oud: suspiciously absent.

30.  Close shot:  Man with filthy hands oils up the worlds filthiest clay pot.  There are actual chunks of shit sticking to this pot,  like, twigs and old burnt...dog, or something.  I don't know.

31. Ooooooh fuck the chicken is goin' into the  - I can't look.

32.  Filthy handed man produces a battered plastic bottle filled with red liquid.  "Home made tomato juice' proclaims the superimposed title.  O.......K.

33. THERE IS AN AUDIBLE 'POIK' WHEN HE OPENS THE LID.  Bottle deflates. This may be home made tomato juice, but it is not FRESH home made tomato juice.  I know what will happen next.  I think we all know what happens next.  Happy place. Happy place.

34.  Oh damn.

35. We can only pray for the contents of the pot as Filthy Hands puts an almost impossibly dirty, greasy, sooty lid on the whole shebang. Seriously the dirtiest object in the video so far.  So much filth.  So much.

36.  Closeup of abominable lid as it is lifted for Filthy Hands to add dried apricots to what is actually looking pretty delicious, to be honest. YUM.

37. Pot goes back on fire.  Lid goes AWOL, like so many things in this video.

38. Right view

38. Left view

38. Center view

38. 

38. 

38. 

39. Cooking.  Juuuuuust cooking.

40.

41.  Yep, it's cooking.  Lidless.  It's supposed to be a tagine, but no lid.  This is probably just as well, considering the lid.  Wow. It is really cooking in there.  Yes indeed it is.  It's just...cooking.

41. Yup.

42. OK NOW GEEZIZ COME ON he just ladled out a chunk onto the greasy board that just had raw chicken on it ew ew ew ew ew ew oh geeze oh barf 

43.  Closeup of crud stuck to stone oven, because I'm not grossed out enough.

44. Filthy Hands and Wedgie Dude sitting next to salmonella wood slab which is covered in what is ostensibly tagine chicken.  Filthy Hands picks up chicken with same bare fingers he just fondled a random owl with and eats chicken.  Farewell, FH, we hardly knew ye.

45. Tight shot of Wedgie Dude eating raw parsley.  His hands are also...well. Yeah.

46. Oud - missing.

46 1/2.Oud - missing

46 3/4. Oud still gone.

47. Owl - missing.

*goes back to beginning and watches again*